I feel better. I have had to do some tough work the past few months. One thing I have learned is that I am my own worst enemy. My mind, specifically. I limit myself. I destroy myself. With voices, with words of hate directed like tiny long needles in my chest.
For those of you who are self-critical like me, you know the struggle. Those voices come from many years of being taught that you have to think that way, to operate from a place of intolerance. That is not how life works. You will destroy yourself and others...a fact which I have been made painfully aware of recently.
But I also have the power to decide that I don't want to destroy myself. And my motivation is that my fiancé loves me and I don't want him to see me hurt myself anymore...when I hurt myself, it hurts him.
Deep down, I know I am capable of great things. I just need to scrub away the layer of self-hate to access that part. Sometimes it's hard to see under the swirling thoughts of worthlessness and despair.
For those of you who have also been struggling with these voices...please, listen. It isn't easy, but they have you in a cage and you need to get out. There are no windows and you can't see outside, so you don't feel motivated to leave. But if you could see outside...you'd want to do everything you could to smash through the bars.
You would bend the metal with your mind and feel powerful and strong.
You have the power within you to do it. Sometimes you need guidance. Please seek it. Read books. Find out where the voices are coming from. Learn to control your own mind, to fight against the voices and win. Learn to bend metal and step outside onto the cool grass, where everything is peaceful and you matter...when life gets tough you can push away the voices and deal with the actual problem (which is so much easier). That is how life is meant to be lived.
My biggest realization: I need to forgive myself before I can forgive others.
But I also have the power to decide that I don't want to destroy myself. And my motivation is that my fiancé loves me and I don't want him to see me hurt myself anymore...when I hurt myself, it hurts him.
Deep down, I know I am capable of great things. I just need to scrub away the layer of self-hate to access that part. Sometimes it's hard to see under the swirling thoughts of worthlessness and despair.
For those of you who have also been struggling with these voices...please, listen. It isn't easy, but they have you in a cage and you need to get out. There are no windows and you can't see outside, so you don't feel motivated to leave. But if you could see outside...you'd want to do everything you could to smash through the bars.
You would bend the metal with your mind and feel powerful and strong.
You have the power within you to do it. Sometimes you need guidance. Please seek it. Read books. Find out where the voices are coming from. Learn to control your own mind, to fight against the voices and win. Learn to bend metal and step outside onto the cool grass, where everything is peaceful and you matter...when life gets tough you can push away the voices and deal with the actual problem (which is so much easier). That is how life is meant to be lived.
 |
| A fun Father's Day Card :) - ink |
Comments
Post a Comment